You Can Call Me the Chef (can I at least wear the hat?)

When I was a kid, I thought when someone became a Mom they automatically loved to cook. Stay-at-home-Moms lived for looking through their cookbooks, going to the grocery store, coming home and making a spectacular meal to serve her family. I used to think that someday, I’d be that Mom.


I am not that Mom.


I am the Mom that cooks out of necessity. I am the Mom that, when I’m REALLY craving something, I will make it the old-fashioned way but then I find out that Costco makes it just as well (and then I can spend the 3 hours that I thought I’d be cooking in front of the TV watching Mindy Project). I am the Mom that (GASP) gives my kids vegetables out of cans (and sometimes fruit too)! Who has time to let vegetables cook twice a day??!! I want to find the Mom that does and ask her for her daily schedule. Hey, let’s chat and meet up sometime (insert awkward pause).


Does her 17-month old know how to open the “child-proof” gate and go down all the stairs in her split-level home? Does her 17-month old give half of her food to the greedy dog circling below (and laugh hysterically when I tell her not to— literally laughing in my face)? Does her 17-month old throw food against the wall and the dry clean only curtain?


Does her 17-month old refuse to say “Please” no matter how many times I stay strong and don’t give in without her asking nicely?


Me: “Fiona, can you say please?”

Fiona: “More!”

Me: “Fiona…. that’s not please. Can you say please?”

Fiona: “Nah”

Me: “Fiona, if you can say, ‘Nah,’ I’m pretty sure you can say please.”

Fiona: “Haha. Nah” (shakes head)


And so it continues. 


I made ground beef with Worcestershire sauce, melted cheese, etc. (basically, a my-version-of-gourmet-hamburger) and she literally threw it against the wall and said, “ICK!” Then when I made (and by “made” I mean heated up) the Elmo frozen pancakes (OK people… at least they’re organic) she said, “Mmmmmmmm….. more!” What is the point of cooking? Okay… is it really that much healthier? Alright, maybe. I’ll keep trying.



This is Fiona eating grilled cheese, pineapple with carrots & broccoli. Notice she hasn’t touched it yet. She’s laughing at Mr. Noodle on Sesame Street (and I think she’s laughing at me for thinking it’s a good idea to load up her plate with so much food… she’s planning her next move: do I throw this against the wall, give it to the dog, or simply refuse to eat it?)

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